Yesterday a plumber came to my house to fix my broken toilet. It cost me about $135 and a lot of aggravation. It was not the plumber’s fault. He was a very nice young man, who very patiently tried to explain to me why the repair was not covered by my protection plan. Understand that I pay almost as much for protection plans, for my external water and sewer lines and internal plumbing, as I do for my water usage. Sometimes more. Oh, and I donate $1 a month to assist others who might not be able to afford to pay for their water.

Like many, I have been working from home during this COVID-19 crisis. My hours have been reduced and I am not making as much money as I was pre-COVID, so I have to be careful about my spending. My toilet has been “misfiring”, so to speak, for quite some time now. For a while, I would catch it running. The usual handle jiggle would solve the problem. After a while, I noticed not everything was going down. Holding the handle down until it flushed completely seemed to resolve that problem. Then came the day when it would continue running and no jiggle would stop it. So…I turned off the water after flushing. Turned it back on after use. Repeat. Finally, it would run and run but not fill the tank, and thus, not flush the bowl. So…I turned off the water and kept a bucket handy to flush the solids, following the green philosophy of: “If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down.” Obviously, this was only a temporary fix.

Not long ago, sometime during the winter, I had discovered a leak in the waste line from my washing machine. This discovery came while I was in my crawl space replacing smoke and carbon monoxide detectors after a visit from police and fire fighters when one of my CO detectors’ alarm went off at 2am. False alarm by the way. Batteries were corroded onto the circuit board.

So, I called a plumber, the company with which I have my heating system protection plan, and had it repaired to the tune of over $350. AFTER which I remembered having the water protection plans. I had been paying for them for so long without incident that I forgot I had them.

When I called New Jersey American Water Company, I was referred to American Water Resources to file a claim. The helpful attendant explained to me that I might not get anything back, but if I did, it would take some time. I was, therefore, happily surprised when I received notification that they would reimburse me for $150 of the expense. After all, I did not follow procedure and call them to initiate the repair.

So…this time I remembered I had a plan and followed procedure. I describe the problem, in detail, to the claims attendant. I am told that I have to pay a $50 service charge and she can collect that. I am annoyed, but I figure okay, it’s a copay, deductible, whatever. I ask if it can be charged to my water bill. No. I ask if she can take a credit card. No. She then tells me it will be collected by the contractor. I am a little confused but okay. I am told I will receive a call from the plumbing company shortly.

Four hours later, I have not heard anything, so I call back. I get a different attendant. I am told the plumber reports calling and leaving a message for the homeowner. Nope. So, we determine that the attendant I spoke with earlier gave them the wrong number. This is corrected. Not too terribly long later, I hear from the plumber. Someone is on the way. A nice young man shows up. We both wear our masks. He goes up and looks at the toilet, comes back down, and tells me the problem is the flap in the tank. That, he says, is not covered by my plan. I am annoyed. He kindly offers to tell me what part to buy so I can fix it myself. This option had occurred to me. I figured it was probably a simple procedure. I could have pulled out my Reader’s Digest home repair manual, or asked the Google, but I had an INDOOR PLUMBING PROTECTION PLAN!!!!

So, now I not only have to pay the $50, but it is going to cost me 70 some dollars plus tax for the repair. I am pissed and begin to rant. I realize it is not his fault, and I tell him this, but I was specific about the problem when I called in my claim. He, very patiently, explains how it could have been misconstrued as being a clog, which would have been covered. I am not buying it. I call the claims number back and get yet another attendant. I explain the situation. she insists that, yes, I have to pay the $50 whether or not I decide to go ahead with the repair, in addition to the cost of the repair, should I decide to go ahead with it. In fact, she says, the plumber should have collected the $50 service charge before he even looked at the toilet.

Now, the way I see it, I am paying a $50 referral fee. Had the attendant told me it was not a covered service, I would have been annoyed, but I would then have had the option of repairing it myself or calling the plumber I used before, without paying a $50 service fee! At this point, I just want the damn toilet fixed. I tell the attendant that I want to cancel the inside protection plan. She cannot help me with this. I have to speak with customer service. While I am on hold waiting to be transferred to customer service, I pay the $50, and sign an agreement for the repair. I speak to the customer service representative and cancel the service plan, which I am told will be effective today but may take two billings cycles before they stop charging me. The plumber fixes the toilet. I pay for the repair, and he is gone before I am off the phone.

I tell the customer service rep that I would like to be credited for the $50 charge because, as I see it, I explained very clearly what the problem was and the claims attendant should have told me that it was not covered. Unfortunately, she tells me, customer service cannot help me with that, and she must transfer me back to claims. She asks if there is anything else she can help me with; and, I tell her my remaining issues are political in nature. I complain that this is a case of the haves getting and the have-nots paying. She kindly humors me.  Why is water, I ask her, which is a basic human need and right traded as a commodity? While I am waiting to be transferred back to claims, I am disconnected.

I call the claims number back and get another very nice attendant who tells me she believes I will be able to get my $50 back but “it’s a process”. I ask if I will get an email; and, she assures me I will hear directly via telephone. No call yet.

I call the company with which I have my heating system protection plan and ask the operator if they offer a home plumbing protection plan. I am told they do not. I tell her the water company has some racket going. They, the water company, also offer electrical protection service. Water and electricity?

So, just for the hell of it, I look up the price of a flap for a toilet. It costs about $7. American Water Resources is trading on the NYSE for $124 a share. Yep, what is that old adage? The rich get richer and the poor have babies? Time to buy a lottery ticket.