32. SAY NO

• Especially soon after your child’s death, you may lack the energy as well as the desire to participate in activities you used to find pleasurable.
• Realize that you can’t keep saying no forever. There will always be that first wedding, christening, birthday party, etc. Don’t miss out on life’s most joyful celebrations. If you attend something and find it overwhelming, it’s OK to excuse yourself and leave early. (HEALING A PARENT’S GRIEVING HEART: 100 PRACTICAL IDEAS AFTER YOUR CHILD DIES; Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD; 2005)

Ugh. It’ll be 12 years this year and I still say no sometimes. I find large social gatherings difficult, anxiety provoking even. I just don’t have the same capacity to socialize as I used to.

Funerals were especially difficult for a very long time. I realize now that was likely because I was in denial about my son’s death. I mean, funerals are no fun any time, but I was always able to support folks. I can do that again now.

When my niece got married, shortly after his death, she acknowledged Joseph in her ceremony. I just now sent her a text thanking her for that.

I missed the weddings of my cousin’s kids. One because I was staying with a friend who was dying. The other, my godchild, because it was on Joseph’s birthday. His birthday and death day are two days I still can’t allow for any kind of celebration…except about him. Maybe not quite celebration…but definitely remembrance.

(featured image found in Google search…attributed to english.eagetutor.com)