23. USE THE NAME OF YOUR CHILD

• When you’re talking about the death or about your life in general, don’t avoid using the name of the child who has died. Sometimes others are afraid to use the name in your presence out of fear that it is painful to you. If you use the name, others will know that they can use it too. 

CARPE DIEM: Flip through a baby name book at a local bookstore or library and look up the name of your child. Reflect on the name’s meaning as it relates to the unique person you loved. (HEALING A PARENT’S GRIEVING HEART: 100 PRACTICAL IDEAS AFTER YOUR CHILD DIES; Alan D. Wolfelt PhD; 2005)

I would like to begin here by saying that I still love Joseph, in response to the “unique person you loved” prompt above. My love for him is ever present. It did not die with him.

I don’t hesitate to use his name; and, I am ever grateful to hear others say it. It is a pleasure to know that they, too, remember him.

I don’t need to go to a bookstore to look up the meaning of his name. I can, “Ask the Google,” as we say in my family:

The name Joseph has its origins in Hebrew and holds significant meaning. Derived from the Hebrew name Yosef, it translates to God will Increase. This name has deep roots in biblical history, prominent in the narrative of the Old Testament. Joseph, son of Jacob and Rachel, was a central figure whose life and virtues are vividly recounted in the Book of Genesis. (accessed at https://www.ancestry.com/first-name-meaning/Joeseph)

The only surprise is that the name translates from the Hebrew to “God will increase”. God certainly did increase. Joseph was the fourth of our children. When I was pregnant with him, I woke from a dream one day and said, “How about Joseph Francis?” I had previously been considering James Andrew, the name of my great grandfather from Scotland. His father didn’t like the idea, having an uncle “Jimmy” of whom he wasn’t particularly fond.

I was thinking of Joseph, for the dreamer of the Old Testament, mentioned above as the son of Jacob and Rachel, and also for the earthly father of Jesus. I always called him Joseph, not Joe or Joey. When he was little, his father called him Josie, which was picked up by some in the family for a while. Josie reminded me of the Clint Eastwood character, The Outlaw Josie Wales, although his dad pronounced it with a softer “s” sound. My grandkids called him Uncle Joe. His friends called him Joe. He called himself Joe on his FaceBook page. One of his sisters called him Broseph. She still does when she posts about him.