Writing prompt from Mirabai Starr in Holy Lament:

I thought you were my friend…

I’m blank…I thought you were my friend.

Oh. Yeah…

Years ago, in high school, I was angry with a friend. I don’t remember why. But, I sent her the lyrics to “Frozen Smiles” by Graham Nash. It was hurtful and came from a place of pain and anger. The lyrics escape me now… but I remember a line…”you’re supposed to be my friend.”

She was so hurt that she reached out to my boyfriend at the time, or ex-boyfriend, not sure if we were still together at the time. He came to me to talk about it on her behalf. I don’t remember how we resolved it, but I guess we did because at her death in 2020, we’d been friends for almost 50 years. She’s still my best, closest friend. 

The night before she died, she’d slipped into unconsciousness…a coma? I gave her a Reiki treatment. I felt a lot of heaviness within her that I pulled out. At one point, I was shocked to see another of her friends sitting in the room, watching. I close my eyes when I perform Reiki. Anyway…when I was done, I went outside. She lived in the woods in Maine. I went out into the silent darkness, looked up and threw up my arms. I wanted to scream, to roar, but I didn’t.

She died the next morning.

Frozen Smiles